Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I would be Spring

If I were a month, I would want to be October
If I were a color, I would want to be pink
If I were a gem, I would want to be the diamond
If I were a flower, I would be a orchid
If I were a season, I would be spring
If I were an animal, I would be a robin
If I were a star, I would be the north star
If I could be anything, I wouldn't be myself

Random thoughts

These are minimal thoughts that popped up in my mind.. Enjoy!



If you are going to kidnapped me
Can I at least bring my cell phone
and my knife?

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When you left my smile was right side up
When you came back my smile was upside down

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Little Boy: Want to do a quickie?
Little Girl: What is a quickie?
Little Boy: I don't know but my dad always ask my mom that.

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If it were up to me I would color the sea purple, I would color the land pink, and I would color the sky black

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In the tube the lipstick looks like it has a orange color
On my lips the lipstick looks like it has a brown color
On your lips the lipstick looks like it has a red color
What would make it turn green?

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The only reason I have a job
is because you can stay out of jail
so dont fuck with me

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When I died
I dont want to go to heaven
Definately not hell
I want to be a ghost
So I can haunt you
Wherever you go

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They say you are what you eat
I eat candy everyday
Will I turn into candy?
and then I can eat myself?

I'm better than you

i think i'm special

maybe not to you
but

i think i'm special
someone thinks im special

I hope no one thinks your special
Everyone has a special someone

I have a special someone
and I am special to someone
but you

You are not special
not to anyone

More points please

Dr. Russo Dr. Hey
Does this count as a blog?
Can I get three points for this?
Possibly four points?
I put effort in this blog
I promise
So do I get the points?

I am who I want to be

You don't know who I am
I'll tell you who I am
I am a picture frame with no picture inside
I am a waterfall hitting the mountainous sharp rocks at the bottom
I am a dollar bill, dirty and seen ever sight imaginable
I am a cloud drifting across the gray sky
I am your lips, soft and red like the color of your heart
I am everything that you know you needed
You will never know who I am
Have you ever tried to catch a snowflake?
It is impossible
It would melt against the heat of your hand
The structure and pattern would be long forgotten
Never the same snowflake will fall again

Have you ever tried to catch a raindrop?
It is impossible
It would splash right on top of your hand
Leave out your hand under the rain
A little puddle will develop in your little hand

The playground

The little boy was tried of swinging back and forth in his own personal swingset. He looked over to his lonely sandbox and decided that it would probably be more fun. He would be able to build a castle, dig a hole and hide all his treasures in it, and play with the ants and then destroy their colony in the lonely sandbox.
He ran over to the square shaped box, jumping over a branch on his way there. And there it was. This little smurf. It must of been the size of any regular thumb. So little that if he jumped in the sandbox, the little smurf would no longer be a smurf. Instead he would of been this little spect of blue. Bright blue.
The boy was looking at the smurf and the smurf was looking at the boy. The boy without thinking his actions over, picked up the little smurf. Grabbing on to his little head.
Outrage. The little smurf was fighting the little boys strong grip. He was shouting at this little boy, however his voice was so high pitched, the ears of the child could not hear it. The smurf fought, bit his fingers, punched his thumb, wiggled he way out. It was unsuccessful. The poor smurf. There was nothing that he could do.
The boy examined the smurf. His pupils contricted trying to look at the object he picked up. The smurf was so blue. It was strange and it only had a shirt on. Where is his pants the little boy thought. Do smurfs where pants? and then the boy put a smile on his face. Smiling from cheek to cheek, showing the lack of his two front teeth. He wanted to keep him. He wanted to be friends.
Carefully he put the smurf in his back pocket and decided instead of the sandbox to go into the house.
From the pocket, the smurf looked at the sandbox fading in the background.

Love and Hatred

its a love relationship hate. relationship a love its hate. a love relationship hate its. love hate its relationship hate. hate a relationship its love. a its love relationship hate. hate relationship love a its. relationship a its hate love. hate relationship it a love. a its relationship love hate. hate a its love relationship. love its a hate relationship. hate its a relationship love. a love hate relationship its. its hate relationship a love. love its hate relationship a. love hate its relationship a. a love hate its relationship. a love its relatioship. a love relationship its hate.
Its a love hate relationship.

Under the covers

Come with me under the covers
I'll shelter you from the cold
Keep you warm

Come with me under the covers
and then we can stare at each other
Admiring each other's beauty
Smelling each other's scent
While our legs intertwine
and our feet rub against each other

Come with me under the covers
where we will sleep
and I will embrace while you dream
keeping all the nightmares and dangers away
I will be your guardian

Come with me under the covers
and let time pass
No need to do anything No worrries
Let's lay under the covers
and let the days pass us by

My advice to you

Get into your car
Drive pass the speed limit
and crash into a wall

Find a rope and a chair
Tie the rope to a linger pole above you and around your neck
Get on the chair and then jump off

Take your delicate head
Smash your head against the wall
Until you bleed

Find the nearest drug store
and look for the expensive sleeping pills
and drink the whole bottle

Go to your kitchen
Grab the sharpest knife you can find
and stab yourself

Go to daddy's gun cabinet
Grab his favorite one
Put it in your mouth and pull the trigger

This is only some of my suggestions to you

Turn around and walk back towards me

If I had another chance
I would take it
Yes, I would take it
No looking back
No regrets
Just sheer simplicity
Together
You and I

When I grow up I want to be ...

When I was young
I wanted to be a witch
To hold a magic wand
and make things happen
Almost Instantly

I was disappointed
when my mom told me to grow up


When I was young
I wanted to have super powers
To help save lives
and people would appreciate me
cause I would be their superhero


I was disappointed
when I tried to fly off a tree
I broke my leg


When I was young
I wanted to be a fairy
To fly off to never never land
with Tinkerbell and peterpan
where I would never grow up

I was disappointed
when my sixth birthday was approaching
I didn't want to grow up

When I was young
I wanted to do the impossible
Now that I am an adult
Secretly..

I still want to be a witch
I still want to be a superhero
I still want to be a fairy
I still want to do the impossible

Self Image

She looked in the mirror. Everything was all wrong.

First it was her nose. Too flat and round, after her father's side of the family. She took off her nose from her face and pinch it together and placed it back on. Much better she thought.

Then it was her eyes, too chinky and too far apart. She took off her eyes and made it more rounded and placed it back on. Only this time to place them back closer to each other.

Don't forget her lips. Always dry and too thin. Naked to the visible eye. She took off her lips and plump them up and soaked it under running water. She placed it back on.

The ears. On opposite ends of her face, they were too tiny. It made her head look big. She took off her ears and then strength them, making sure they were not as big as mickey mouse but the right size she wanted. Place them further back so it was covered by her hair.

Last it was the shape of her head. It was too big. She took off her head and squeezed her head together into the perfect shape that completed the perfect look. She placed back her head on her body.

She look in the mirror and thought to herself that her looked much better. She was content.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Teddy

I remain in this spot
Collecting dust
Which is not good for my fur

Time goes by .. Slowly
Waiting for the day when she will play with me again
She would play with me everyday
I was her Teddy

You don't understand
We were a team
We use to have our adventures together
She would call it
Teddy and me, the day at the zoo
Teddy and me, the first day of school
Teddy and me, trip to Grandma's House

I even remember the first day we meet
I was in a dark place
Her evil father put me a small tight box
and she saved me
from then on I promise I would love her forever
and I swore I would play with her forever

The day she got her first Barbie
was the day she put me on this shelf
I was confused that day
I still am

It's not so bad
Everyone eventually ends up on this shelf
Her collection of Barbies is sitting right next to me
A couple of stuffed animals are lingering on the opposite end
We all watch her play with the other toys

Though sometimes she picks me up
and tells me that she remembers me
"Aww look my teddy"
Sadly, I go back up on the shelf

So I wait
to play again
Cause I promised her I would play with her forever

Inhale Deeply

Celebration

Light it up

Inhale and let the fumes consume you

Do it again

Inhale and let the fumes consume you

Relax

Lay back

Got to do it one more time

Cause you know you what to

Inhale and let the fumes consume you

Red eye Demon
Put on your sunglasses

Hungry Fat Man
Satisfy your cravings

Dry Isolated Desert
Go water yourself

Slow Turtle
Go win the race


Let the mind wonder the impossible

Day of celebration

Flick of a lighter

Inhale and let the fumes consume you

Cheater

Girl: What would you do if I told you I kissed another man?
Boy: I would rip his lips off his face.

Girl:What would you do if I told you that I made love to another man?
Boy:He would no longer exist.

Girl:What if I told you I do not love you anymore and that I love another man?
Boy:You and this man would no longer exist.

Girl: It is interesting that you would say that.
Boy: Why?

Girl:Because my other man and I are still alive.

Raining Men

She woke up. It was going to be a good day. She could feel it because the weather man told her that it was going to be raining men today.
She jumped up right out of bed and got ready immediately. Preparations need to be done. Extra preparations cause it is going to be raining men.
Showering. Carefully. Making sure to get every hair on her legs. It needed to be smooth so the guy she chooses will caress her legs. Rubbing her hair with shampoo so the scent of her with attract all the men that will fall. Washing her face, getting rid of all the blemishes that hindered all her natural beauty.
Dressing herself was the hardest part. The way she dressed herself was the most essential part for her. How was she suppose to attract her man?
She was pondering on her appearance. What do men like? The flirtly fun girl, who always wears dresses and bold colors? The bitch, who wore the best clothing and all the brand names? The horny slut, who only own tight fitted clothes and never enough clothing on her? Pondering was too much for her. She decided the classic look was for her. Tee Shirt and Jeans. It fit just right.
As she finished her final touches, she hear the noisy cloud showering over her block.
She ran out of her house, with her umbrella.
...
She stood there. Waiting for the cloud to drizzle and then pour out all different kinds of men. But unfortunately the weather man was wrong, the sun was the coming out. It had a smirk on his face. Depressed and heartbroken she walked back to her apartment. Another day the weather man was wrong. Cursed that weather man she thought. As she got her keys to her apartment. THUMP. Her prince charming crash on top of her. They both collapsed. There they laid, the perfect couple, unconscious.
Nightmares and Horror ROB me of my laughter
Agony and Pain STEAL me of my esctasy

I have learned to live with it
I have no choice

Ashes and dust falls all over me
Ashes and dust is what I will become

I stare at my casket
I stare at my still being. Motionless.

I can feel my decaying body.
Aching in the dark.

I cry alone.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Outbrust of Rage

How do I feel, Bitch? Undefeated.
How do you know when I hate you? When I try to make you drink poison.
What do I want to do to you? Punch you in the fucking face.
What do I think of you? Your a ugly ignorant slut.
Am I mentally insane? What do you fucking think?

You know who you are

You know who are,

I'm sorry for whatever I did. I know your mad at me but I don't know what I did to upset you. I know the fact that I say I'm sorry does not compensate for the pain your suffering. I hope you know that my actions were never intended to hurt you. I am not cruel or mean but maybe it is just me. Would you be able to believe that everything I did was for the best, for us?
This sucks. Unanswered phone calls. Unanswered messages. The worst part is that I don't know what I even did. So can you do me a favor and just let me know cause the suspense is killing me, the fact that we are not talking. Please let me know so I can apologize properly.

Me

Friday, April 16, 2010

Stream of Consciousness

Down Deeper Deeper Gone
Look. Harder. You can see it.
Just keep writing about ... Anything.

A Game. A Lie. A big lie.
I'm hiding from you.
I'm keeping a secret.
Just keep writing about ... Anything.

Pain. Always there. Everlasting.
It remains. It is a part of me.
Glitter. Throw it on me. So I can fly away.
Just keep writing about ... Anything.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Walking into Spiderwebs

She was in the driveway, rushing to her car, cause she was late to work. She moved fairly quickly in her five inch heels. On her way to the car, she walked right into a spiderweb, the kind of spiderwebs that one would admire and ponder on the fact that it was so beautiful but gross at the same time. She stopped. She gave herself two minutes to clean herself up.
"HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO MY SPIDERWEB!" the black widow, screamed with a tiny voice.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I did not notice it was there," She explained. "I won't do it again. I promise."
"It took me all night to do!," she replied with anger.
"If it helps, I'm late to work today, and I'll probably get fired," she said, still cleaning herself up.
"Well, life sucks," the spider said. "I hope you get fired."
"Sorry," she whispered.
The spider got busy with her new spiderweb, as she left for work.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Who says I CAN NOT be superwomen??

I can not take it anymore
The pressure I put on myself
I can’t be superwoman
Not even superwoman is superwoman
There is no fucking superwoman

I will die because of myself
The pressure I put on myself
I blame my father
He is not superman
Not even superman is superman
There is no fucking superman

I can not be two places at one time
No one can be at two places at one time
I can not be perfect
No one can be perfect
The pressure I put on myself
Will kill me

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My First Kiss

Please walk me home
Its only two miles
In the opposite direction of your home
But be a gentleman

Is it okay that I hold your hand?
It is okay that you walk slower cause you have longer legs than me?
Can I borrow your jacket.. I’m cold
Please do not look at me like that

I hope you know I am not listening to you
I have to get ready
For my First Kiss
I am dreading it

You stopped walking
Is it time already?
Are you okay?
Will you forgive me?
Because I MISSED my target

Five fingers on a hand

High heels
Tight dress
Hair done
Make up on
Feeling nice

I will show you
I don't need you
I don't want you
Go masturbate to that idea

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Soon


Every minute feels like HOURS
Every second feels like YEARS

Spring has arrived and vanished
Summer will appear and depart

I have written you letters.. Short letters
"How you been? Ive been good. I miss you."

At night the rain falls in the evening sky
and the rain emerges into tears on my cheek

You already know
I miss you
So come back
Soon
I'm waiting

Thursday, March 18, 2010

DO IT!!!

“Pinch me,” he whispered across the two foot tall table in our kindergarten room filled with hopes and dreams, interrupting me with my drawing of my favorite things. “What?,” I responded. I despise him, with his dark brown hair covering his eyes unable to see his massive forehead, his crooked smile; missing two teeth which made him look evil, and his fancy clothes which I envy, since I had the hand me downs my cousins thought would be cute on me. He thinks he is better than me at everything. Everything was always a competition with him. Not to mention, I am five years old. Do I even know what the word competition means? Even if I look at a dictionary or my parents explained the definition to me, I wouldn’t have the slightest idea.
The other day, he thought it was funny to beat me at coloring. We made it a race to see who would color the same picture the fastest. I carefully colored the dress a bright red plum color and the sky a calming blue just like the ocean looks on a good day at the beach. But of course, he won. Which it isn’t fair because he colored the dress a black funeral color and the sky a green under the sea color and barely stayed inside the lines. Was it fair? I didn’t think so. All day he took pride in the fact that he won the race. This is why I have build a hatred for him.
“I said pinch me!,” practically screaming at me, “Even if you pinch me it wont hurt. I can pinch harder than you,” he added while anticipating the pinch, which I longed to do for so long.
“Alex, I don’t want to pinch you.” I wanted him to leave me alone today, I don’t want to be bothered today. I do not feel like feeling inferior to him again, for like the million time.
“Just do it,” he said.
“NO!!!!!!,” I yelled.
“DO IT!!!!! DO IT!!!!! DO IT!!!!,” shouting at me and attracting attention to the table next to us with the other children playing their candy land game so peacefully, and then I had the urge to pinch him and I did.
“See it didn’t hurt me. Your so weak Camille,” he said merrily, which made me wish I pinched him harder to prove I can make him cry.
“Oh yeah you think you can pinch harder? Well then pinch me.” I responded.
“Okay,” he said, while he pinched me.
It did not hurt one bit. It was even disappointing how much it did not hurt me, but I decided to cry anyways. I made sure the whole kindergarten room heard me cry, feel the pain they thought I had because of the weak pinch.
Mrs. Glen, our thin slender teacher, walked over to and came to my rescue. She asked me what was bothering me. I told her that Alex pinched me and it hurt me A LOT.
“Did you really pinch her Alex?,” there was seriousness in her tone of voice.
“Yes, Mrs. Glen, but she told me too,” scared because he knows she was not going to believe her.
“NO, I DID NOT!,” I said, still bawling over the pinch.
“Alex, you are going to have to spend the rest of the day in the naughty chair. We do not pinch other children in this classroom and I’m afraid I’m going to have to have a talk with your Father when he comes to pick you up,” she said disapprovingly. “You need to walk over there and have a moment to think about what you did to Camille, but first you need to apologize to her.”
“Sorry,” he said, barely even looking at me.
I did not respond. I only decided to stop crying.
Mrs. Glen walked over to him over to the naughty chair and came back to me, “Are you okay now Camille?”
“Yes, Mrs. Glen,” I said.
“Good, now go back to drawing and call me when you need me.” She then walked over to her chair, which she would remain for most of the day.
I looked over to Alex. Seeing his head down and his little figure sitting in the chair gave me joy I never thought a five year old like me would ever enjoy. I knew tomorrow he was going to try to get me into trouble, but it did not worry me for I was happy. I went back to drawing my favorite things with a smile on my face.

Hello

Goodbye Happiness
Goodbye
You just left me
I enjoyed your company
Try to come back soon


Hello heartbreak
Hello
Its so nice for you to come around
Again
I can rely on you
when I am down
Happiness was here but left
Now its just you and me
You and I
Your welcome to come to bed with me
You can keep me company for awhile

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Six Sentence Story

Looking at herself in the mirror, she put on the off-white pearl necklace her grandmother gave to her on her wedding day around her frail neck, straightened her new black dress by pulling it down, ignorant to the fact that her hem is coming undone and reaching over to where her cell phone laid, on top of the bedside table. "Are we still meeting at our usual spot?", the husky male voice asked after two minutes of conversation, and she responded, "Yes, as we planned, but I have to be home before eight because you know he comes home by then." He told her that it was possible, but only if they left their house right away, so she agreed and told him she was leaving her home and ended the call. She grab her hand held purse, containing only her money and keys, that matched her dress; lifted her light jacket, that was not enough to keep her warm, walked over across the room and touched the breaking doorknob of the only door in the room that would make her a little bit closer to him. As her hand laid on the doorknob, she noticed the imprint of the only wedding ring she received and stood there for five more minutes, smiling at the lack of the ring on her finger. She opened the door and left the room.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

This is your world
I know you have a little
more strength
I know you have a little
more pride
Keep Running..... faster faster faster
Stop
Give me your Hand
Not there yet



NOW TRY AGAIN





This is your world
I know you have a little
more life
I know you have a little
more hope
I stand
Waiting
Wishing
Almost
I give you my hand
You got it

Monday, February 22, 2010

Hideous
Once Gorgeous
But now you remain with me for a couple of days
Then I will be
PRETTY Again

Do you enjoy my depression?
Are you happy that I am self Conscious?
Where did you come from anyways?

My lips
If you can even can call them lips
are HUGE!!

Cold Sore
I will rejoice the day when you are gone
But until then
I loathe you

Saturday, February 20, 2010

10 interesting facts about myself..

1. I don't know how to stay mad at someone longer than an hour.. I have tried to stay mad but it has always been unsuccessful

2. I like to sleep before twelve in the evenings.. I get really tired easily. I am a morning person.

3. I never call people by their first name. It is always babe, baby, hunnie.

4. I do not know how to say the words: strategy, comfortable, specific.. not even close to the pronunciation

5. I am very good at remembering people's birthdays.. you only have to tell me once

6. One of my greatest fears are zombies.. I do believe they are real. I dont watch zombie movies.

7. I used to want braces and glasses when I was a child and I still wish I had freckles.

8. I like to eat my fries from the tallest to the shortest but I dont like people to know I like to eat it that way

9. I find driving relaxing.. especially at night

10. Whenever I see stars at night.. I still make a wish and say the nursery rhyme.. " star light star bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.."

Monday, February 15, 2010

What if I feel the grief of a thousand broken hearts settle deep within me?
As if I let misery become my purpose in life
Making me cry and finding content in my agony

What if i remain in darkness?
Running away from laughter and joy realizing I am out of ground?
Slowing disappearing and appreciating the truth that I won't have a name

What if I never love again?
Hindering my flimsy heart from destruction
Only allowing myself to dream only things in fairy tales

I will be alright
but when you feel terrified and abandoned
when you feel damaged
losing your self to pain
dont worry i'll be there

No matter what
i'll be there

Ruin

I can not be fixed cause I am already broken
Not torn in two nor torn in half
but into pieces that my dispearing eyes can not distinguish
Only imagining the lack of your existence... I was wrong
Instead now only to put this pain into actuality
Holding on to memories I let out confusion... allowing my heart to bleed
Drowning in my moruning, I remain mad
Not at you but at myself

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Too full

I am full
At the sushi place
I love sushi
I can eat sushi everyday
I can eat sushi every hour
I can eat sushi every minute
I can eat sushi every second
But no more food please
Way too full
Way Way too full
Way WAY WAY too full
I cant eat anymore
Do not want to look at food
Cause I am not hungry anymore
I ate a lot
Way too full
Way too too full
Way TOO TOO full
Exquisite Eel...
Delectable Cucumber...
Enjoyable Shrimp...
Sticky Rice...
Fresh Seaweed..,
Milky Mayo...
Tempting Mango...
That is a lot of food
I am too full
Where is the check?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Stream of Consciousness

Tired want to go to sleep but I have too much work to worry about sleep right now.. actually i rather read my nook. its the best invention ever thought of. whom ever thought of it is a genius a pure idol. my dad just dropped something.. his favorite cup. how sad.. it went BOOM on the floor it was really loud scared the shit out of me. Careful where you step dont want to have glass on your foot do you? wow wow my sister just steped on the glass... i did say careful.. now they looking for the broom.. I really should help but im really lazy and tired to get up and contribute to cleaning my kitchen filled with little tiny specs of glass which once was a coffee mug.. i have homework so ill just do that

Monday, February 1, 2010

Watching

I only saw a glimpse of you
You did not realize I was there

You looked so luminous
The burning sun beaming on your supple, tan less skin

Walking so gracefully
Your massive feet barely touching the floor beneath you

You delicate figure
You were careful with every move

I wanted to go up to you
But I feared the worst situation would happen

The moment went by so fast
Then you were gone

Sunday, January 31, 2010

My name is...

It is quite now
Nothing is to be heard
Yet the beat of my heart is pounding
It is the only sound my gentle ears can hear
My heart feels empty
My soul feels empty
I am empty
My name is EMPTY